


I Want to See You Clearly

by FluffyHeretic



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Gen, M/M, Other, or as just hitoshuu on its own, u can imagine this in context of my other staff trio fics if u want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24936421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyHeretic/pseuds/FluffyHeretic
Summary: Hitori and Shuu go out on a date.
Relationships: Iwamine Shuu/Uzune Hitori
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	I Want to See You Clearly

Hitori is checking the time on his phone when he hears the sound of a door opening, and looks up to see Shuu emerging from his apartment building. He pockets the phone and smiles as his boyfriend descends the stone steps. “Hello.”

“Hello,” Shuu responds. He eyes the items that Hitori’s carrying in his arms: a tote bag, and a folded up plaid blanket. “Do you need me to take something?”

“Oh, no, it’s fine,” Hitori says, but Shuu holds his arms out anyway, so Hitori relents and gives him the blanket with a, “Thanks.”

Taking the brief moment of interaction to get a better look at Shuu, Hitori’s suddenly struck with a subtle but noticeable feeling: something about Shuu is… off. It’s something about his face, maybe, that just seems the littlest bit different. It’s so slight that Hitori can’t even put his finger on what exactly it is; it’s not any particular thing, but just a general feeling.

“Are you ready to go?”

Shuu’s voice makes Hitori realize he’d gotten distracted. It’s probably nothing anyway. “Yes, let’s go.”

They walk side by side in silence, not holding hands since they’re busy carrying their things, but the same comforting air is there that always is, the feeling that says, ‘It’s enough just to be here next to you.’ There’s no pressure on either of them to act any certain way. The fact that they’re together is all they need. It’s a comforting feeling that Hitori loves. And anyway, there’ll be plenty of time for chatter when they get to where they’re going.

The train they take is slightly crowded, although nothing unusual, so they stand together, still mostly silent. Hitori knows that Shuu tires easily and thus the train is normally a good chance to rest. Part of Hitori worries, but they’re not going far.

Shuu seems to look at nothing in particular, but Hitori can’t help take the time to admire him, though of course he tries not to be intense about it. It’s just that even after all the time they’ve known each other, Hitori finds Shuu’s brand of androgynous elegance to still be as charming as ever. Something still feels different, but again, Hitori brushes it aside.

He’s dressed well, too, but he always is. Hitori’s sure that Shuu takes no interest in fashion, but he always seems to prefer to be overdressed for any occasion than underdressed. The long black overcoat he’s wearing is something he has on often, and Hitori thinks it’s with good reason, with how flattering it is. He can’t help but notice how it cinches Shuu’s waist, creating a captivating curve for the eyes to follow. It isn’t something Hitori has ever noticed on other men.

They only have a few blocks to walk after getting off the train. Shuu sets a brisker pace now, apparently eager to arrive. Hitori has managed to get him to appreciate the smaller things in life, but there’s no doubt that Shuu will always be a busybody, even when he’s just spending the day with his boyfriend. Hitori doesn’t mind too much; he likes a man with drive. And Shuu has been getting much better lately about taking time to relax, too.

Their arrival is marked by the tapping of their shoes on the sidewalk becoming muffled by grass and soil. It’s a beautiful autumn day for the park. The sun is high in the clear blue sky, its rays touching one’s face offering a welcome warmth in the chilly weather, and there’s no more wind than a slight breeze. The breeze that is there sends colorful leaves swirling through the air, off of the trees that, clustered together, create a painting of warm colors. Hitori had made plans with Shuu to do this because he wants to appreciate these days while they’re still here, before winter sets in.

“Is this a good spot?”

Hitori snaps out of his reverie by Shuu’s voice, having been distracted by appreciating the weather. He sees now that Shuu has moved on a small distance ahead, atop a knoll at the edge of the pond.

It is a good spot, as the pond is beautiful, and the small height of the knoll offers a slightly better vantage of it and the rest of the park. So Hitori responds, “Yes, it’s perfect,” and Shuu wastes no more time before laying out the blanket.

Hitori still doesn’t move, just for a few moments, wanting to appreciate how Shuu even looks good from further away, especially in the sunshine like this. He muses on how Shuu should really get out in the sun more often.

It’s easier to take in Shuu in his entirety from this angle, to appreciate the sum of him as opposed to any one thing. It’s especially easy to notice his figure again, from here, and Hitori once more notices Shuu’s coat and what it does for his silhouette. The sides of similar men’s coats are usually mostly straight, without any cinching to that degree. It’s normally only women’s coats that-

Something clicks in Hitori’s mind. It’s only just now occurring to him, but is Shuu actually wearing a women’s coat? It sure looks like it. Is it on purpose? Shuu seems ignorant about fashion; would he notice something like that? Then again, if it’s so clearly a women’s coat then it would have been in the women’s section, so did Shuu buy it purposefully? It had never occurred to Hitori before that Shuu would do something like that, so he’s not sure of the likelihood, but he can’t deny that it’s possible.

His eyes move down Shuu’s body, who’s now standing on the laid out blanket, beginning the movement of sitting down. He notices something else, and there’s another click. Now it sounds like something sliding into place. He can finally understand why Shuu’s appearance seemed different this entire time: Hitori had been seeing him from just a slightly different angle, and that’s because Shuu’s a few inches taller. It’s because of suede black ankle boots he’s wearing, that Hitori had simply missed until now. The heels aren’t tall by any stretch, a couple inches at most, but there are heels.

Those are certainly what would be traditionally considered women’s shoes, and Hitori’s sure that not even Shuu could mistake them for otherwise.

“Well? Are you coming?”

Hitori is brought back from his thoughts by Shuu’s voice for the second time in only a handful of minutes and the third time that day. He blushes as he finally catches up. “Yes, sorry. I got distracted by the nice view, that’s all.” He supposes that he technically means that in more than one way, though that wasn’t his intention and Shuu doesn’t seem to notice anyway.

He sets the tote bag down on the blanket and takes a seat next to Shuu. “Should we eat now? Or wait?”

Shuu hums. “I’m not hungry yet. We can wait. Unless you want to eat now.”

“You’re never hungry though,” Hitori says lightheartedly. “Nah, I’m fine with waiting.” He’s not hungry either, especially since he has other things on his mind now. Even now, looking Shuu over, with his cute ankle boots and fitting coat and long hair fluttering in the breeze… He always looks androgynous but it occurs to Hitori that right now, it’s really much more fair to say he’s distinctintly feminine, and Hitori can’t help but wonder about the intentionality of it.

“I’ll have a water, though. Please.”

“Sure.” Hitori retrieves a water bottle from the bag and hands it over. Shuu murmurs a “thank you” and takes a few sips. Hitori decides it’s a good idea to do the same (hydration is always important, after all), taking the other water bottle out and drinking from it before letting out a satisfied sigh.

“Shuu, can I ask you something?” Hitori says it so impulsively he almost surprises himself, panicking slightly as he realizes he’s not even sure what to say or how or if he should be saying anything at all, but it’s too late now.

“Yes?”

There’s an awkward pause as Hitori tries to formulate what he wants to ask. Finally he settles for, “You’re, uh, you’re wearing… women’s clothes, aren’t you?”

Shuu doesn’t visibly react aside from offering a slight tilt of his head, but he doesn’t seem to react to much in general anyway. “Indeed I am.”

“It looks good on you,” Hitori says, still not really thinking things through aside from knowing that he doesn’t want Shuu to think he’s judging him, and he wants to give that compliment because it’s earnest. “Very flattering.”

Shuu’s normally stoic face cracks the littlest smile. “Ah. I appreciate you saying so.”

Hitori hesitates for a good long moment, probably too long, until finally he says, “Uh, so I’m just wondering - and I really promise I’m not judging, I’m just curious - um, why? If you want to say, I mean…” He cringes internally at himself. He’s sure there’s a more eloquent way to say all of this, but he’s just not good enough with words to find it.

Shuu lets out a small sharp breath through his nose, that sort of almost-laugh people do, apparently amused. He doesn’t respond right away either, looking in thought as he presumably ponders his answer. “I always did think it was silly for only certain people to be expected to wear certain clothes. I’ve never seen the purpose. But that might just be because I don’t think I understand much about society in general.”

Hitori would have accepted any answer that Shuu had given because he doesn’t really think Shuu needed to have an eloquent, thought-out answer. He’s allowed to wear what he pleases, regardless of the reason. “I don’t think you’re the only person who feels that way,” he comments. “I’ve heard people express similar sentiments, sometimes, even if it’s not common. It seems like the kind of thing where a lot of people would agree that it is kind of silly when you get down to it, but it’s so ingrained in our culture that it’s difficult to veer from. Society is becoming more progressive, but I expect it still takes some courage to go against expectations like that…”

Shuu only responds with a quiet noise of agreement, and it seems like the conversation will move on. Hitori feels happy and satisfied to have learned something new about his boyfriend, that he’s willing to dress in a way that ignores traditional gender roles. Before he thinks of what else he wants to talk about, though, Shuu says, “I mean, well, there is a good point there. That expectation is very prevalent in society. And just because I don’t fully understand it, doesn’t mean that I don’t feel its effects, or that I don’t use it.”

Hitori listens politely but isn’t really sure what Shuu is trying to get at. So he just gives Shuu a sincere look that he hopes will encourage him to elaborate.

The eye contact between them is kept only for a beat before Shuu flicks his eyes away to the gently rippling water. “I think that it’s silly for clothes to be gendered. But even so, it’s a matter of fact that right now, in this society, they are. Certain articles of clothing have strong associations with certain genders, and that’s simply how it is. I can choose to ignore it, and occasionally I do, but it’s all while knowing that it’s going to affect how I’m perceived.”

By now Hitori has decided that Shuu is simply further venting his feelings on the matter, which is fine, and he’s happy to listen along, nodding agreeably.

Shuu’s speaking slows a bit, enough that it doesn’t seem conscious, but it’s clear that he’s thinking hard about the intent behind what he’s saying now. “That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes I want to control how I’m perceived. Gendered clothing might be silly, but it’s also a way that I can do that. I might wear this coat or these shoes only because I want to, but I know that they’ll affect other people’s view of me, and there are times when that is actually part of… the point. To be viewed more femininely, as a-” He clears his throat and drinks more water. “It’s purposeful.” He pulls his knees up, rubs his nape and adds quietly, “I may not have explained that well.”

It’s quickly dawning on Hitori that this is deeper than he realized, that this conversation is maybe more serious than he first thought. But even though Shuu spoke a bit vaguely, it’s just enough that Hitori thinks that he may be able to put the pieces together. “I think that I understand.”

Shuu just looks back at him with an uncharacteristically open look, as if asking, ‘Do you?’

Hitori answers it with a nod. What Shuu said about clothing being used as a tool to portray oneself makes sense. But he has a feeling that if he wants to fully grasp what that means to Shuu, he’ll have to ask more questions. So he says, gently, “Do you want to be perceived that way all the time?”

“Not necessarily.” Shuu’s gaze is now wandering the horizon. “The desire to be seen in that light… It’s how I feel today. But not every day. It’s variable.”

“I see.” In that case, he has one other question. “So when you feel like you want to be seen… that way, does it also apply to how you wish people would speak of you?” It feels like they both know very well what they’re talking about, but they’re still beating around the bush. Perhaps he’s once again speaking impulsively, but Hitori suddenly decides to be direct. No more vagueness. Still, of course he speaks softly, hoping that Shuu will know that there isn’t a wrong answer, “Shuu, would you like for me to consider you my girlfriend today?”

The straightforward question seems to throw Shuu off (as Hitori expected it would, but he felt it necessary), as he looks at Hitori with visible surprise before averting his eyes again. Now he seems too embarrassed to look anywhere except intently at his own knees. It’s twice that he opens his mouth to speak before apparently changing his mind and closing it again. Finally he says, mildly, “I… If- If it isn’t an inconvenience to you.”

“Never. It would never be inconvenient to me. It shouldn’t be inconvenient to anyone.” Hitori says it firmly, because he believes it firmly, too. He scoots closer, tenderly putting an arm around Shuu. “I love you, you know. Thanks for talking with me about this.”

Shuu’s now bent forward, face in knees, appearing shy or maybe even a little embarrassed. But when Hitori leans down to look, he can tell that she’s grinning.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted in FOREVER, I know. I got really burnt out and haven't had any energy to write since my last fic. I don't think I'm quite ready to be back to posting regularly but I really wanted to write this for Pride!
> 
> Anyway yeah I headcanon Shuu as nonbinary and have been thinking about writing a fic about it for a while (or even just vaguely alluding to it in a Staff Trio fic or something), but never did because it felt too self-indulgent. But then I officially came out as nonbinary myself just this year so I was like. You know what? Screw it
> 
> (Which I know makes it sound like I just project on Shuu but honestly I've had this HC since before I even started seriously considering it for myself lmao but also I can do what I want, so ✌😊)
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated!! Happy Pride 2020!!


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